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Now, let's talk about love...

2已有 2025 次阅读  2012-03-23 14:27   标签Love 
For those of you, think, wonder, why I am so alone? or I feel so alone.. Or why, I can't find Mr or Mrs Perfect, or frustrated, where is the Mr/Mrs Perfect to match...
 

Please allow me to share my story, my experience and my mind...

First, you are NOT alone! Or, it has nothing to do with your HIV+ status... Or it has ever nothing to do because of being a gay...

The fact is: Ever married people feel lonely! And there are plenty of them out there. You may not know, but they are !!! Just like many people may not know that you are a gay, you don't know how many people lives in a loveless marriage!!!!

If you are in a loveless marriage or relationship, (and I am sure, some of reader will know that), it is ever worse!!!!

So, the fact is we, are all searching for the love one, regardless your orientation, regardless your health, regardless of..... (anything). Some people feel that you are "alone", or can't find the love simply because they are .. say, not good looking enough. or not rich enough, or not popular enough... or not healthy enough... or have "secret"...

You are not alone! If you are not HIV+, and if you are not gay, how do you know that you will find the true love?

Here is very sad, but also very true truth... The TRUE love is VERY VERY rare, and you need to be aware it... It is like a very very very hard job in the world. It does take long long long long time to find... Otherwise, it won't be a true love!!! Just like "diamond". If Diamond is as popular as stone, there won't be diamond in the world.

The point is: to all my friend. Don't get upset, if you haven’t find one! Don't get upset, if you lost one! Expect it is hard... Don't give up!!!

Love ... love is a religion! It is inside you.. It is real, if you truly believe it. If you don’t believe it, then, don't expect it be real, and you won't never find it, and ever if it is next to you, you won't ever know it, because love is what you believe!!!!

Back to my love... I love him.. It doesn't matter how many years have passed... it doesn't matter how little we see... it doesn't matter how little that I know about him now... It is still inside me, and for me... it still burns... it still give me the warm...

Say he doesn't love me.. Then, it doesn't matter, how much I say to him.. what I do to him.. what I say... it is what he "believes"... it is what he wants to believe...

So.. yeah, there is love... but it is rare! it is just like "sxx"... you can't describe it. you can only feel it... and you will know, when you have it...

but .... (life is always with a but... ).... ever love changes... simply because we, as human, changes over the time... So, maybe in all our life, we experienced a "moment" of true love... but just like it say.. it is just a "moment"...

That is to say, a true lasting love is ever more rare in the world.. No wonder we have full of "love story", because it only lives in the story... Through the history, the entire history, the whole world history, how many of true lasting are there?

There is difference between love.. s{XXX}, relationship. family and commitment.  It is like big nice dish.. You need all these things in a “perfect” and “constant” balance to make a true “love”…   Having said that,  give yourself a break!  J  J   and to all the reader…  it is perfectly OK that you haven’t your loved one, but don’t get upset !  because nobody says it is easy to find one…   So, at meantime, you better look after yourself!!!  

 

To my ex…  who is one of the reader from this web…   You often says, how much that you feel… But, do you really know how much and how I feel…  Do you know also how much it mean to me…  How sad and upset that I feel about your behavior…   You asked me to write long..  Yeah. How much that I have wrote in the past, yet, ….. …  However, just what I said…  time tells everything…   I have nothing to hide, and I have nothing to explain.  And time will tell and explain all … 

 

Next… about marriage…    Oh… Dear…   Let me say to you something,, which you might be shocked to hear… 

If you are a gay, and if you live in a loveless marriage, and if you also need to take care of your family,  life is almost mean “suffering”…  and compare to it, now you are along, meaning free to do what you do…is a haven! 

Yeah.  We all faced the pressure from the family.  NO need to say about this anymore!   We all on the same boat!   BUT,  being a gay,  being a gay in China.. it starts from the own family, the own parents… 

 

We all know the discrimination against gay in China.. But in my opinion, that discrimination largely due to the overall society or culture  influence..  Back to what is love…

I tell my children and my parents..     that..  Love is respect of  the loved one’s own right, and let it go with your own “desire”… 

It is MY life!   I respect and love my parents. But it is MY life!   And I want to live the life what I want to live! 

Not to live a life, of what is “Expected”.   This is also the biggest difference between western and eastern, new and old culture.. 

Maybe I have lived in the western very long by now, and same as my parents..  Now, they are “Accepting” that it is my life… and I want to be happy.   It is not necessary that my happen is based on what is their expectation.  In the end, they will be happy if they see me happy!!!!!!!!!!  (to most of family)..

So,  please please please… I beg you..   start a little conversation with your own family…  Tell them, give them a bit of “western” mind… that..  what makes them happy, is not necessary what makes you happy!!!  And please alow them to let you be your own right…   Tell them, you have a secret, and please respect your own secret.. 

Please take my advice!!!!   Avoiding the issue, or just try to make an excuse is NOT a good option to your family..   Again, you have to be more “positive” ….  I know, each of us, are different.. different background…  different situation..   But, I am trying to suggest is, please do one small , very small step each time to your family to tell them about the true…  True will be known in the end… Otherwise,  …..  it ONLY hunts on both siedes.   Because your parents will find more reason, (or give you more pressure), if you simply just make up an excuse…      Most of parents love the children..  Most of Chinese are “conservative”.. Sorry, it is just a fact… But, just like it is hard for you to learn that you are a HIV+, and  in the end, you will accept it positively and still make a good life…   So..  be positive..  trust the deep true love from the family…  yeah.  It takes time for them (and you too) to accept, but it is far better to accept the fact, instead of avoiding the fact…  

 

Thank you for reading!!!   I am sorry that I probably write far too long…  Please forgive me also, if I said anything that you might disagree… Anyway, still all my best wishes to you, your health, your love, and your life… 

 

Cheers. 

 
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发表评论 评论 (2 个评论)

  • 苏苏 2012-03-23 21:04
    After reading,I don't know what to say
  • 何建 2012-03-24 10:43
    Different environment will cause a differenct thought,but you are right too. Thanks a lot!
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